Little Drops Of Life

It was my moment of enlightenment. But I didn’t see any blinding light, no God belonging to any religion came in my dreams, none bothered to whisper any magic words in my ear. But I could see things in a better light now and it made me feel good about my existence. And I was happy, happy for the things that I had, happy for stuff that didn’t find me worthy enough of having them. I guess its stuff like this that gives you that push to carry on and give you the zest to keep running. So when you feel like life’s accelerating you forward the way you wanted it to do,coool,seize the day; but when you feel life’s a bitch, just try to recall such little events in your mind,such little drops of life and plod on Honey.
Sorry, I didn’t tell you the story in the correct logical sequence. I thought I’ll probably give a tribute to movies like ‘City Of God’. So here is how it started-I was supposed to meet my Tayaji(my dad’s elder bro) who had come to his Hyderabad office on a short tour. The only possible timing to meet him-before 9 in the morning as he had a flight to catch at 1700 hours. I slept at 2 the previous night after talking to Divya, thought I would wake up at 6:30, catch the MMTS (Hyderabad Local train) at 7:24 and reach Secunderabad around 8. Everything didn’t go according to plan though. I woke up at 6:36, by the time I came out of the bathroom after my early morning business; I realized it was raining Elephants and Rhinos outside(I just couldn’t resist writing it). It was such a heavy downpour that I could not even see beyond 100m. Still I thought WTF its worth a shot, I managed 2 get an auto who charged me 4 times the normal amount but dropped me timely at the station.
I took the ticket (just Rs 2) and got into the train. I didn’t sit at any seat as I wasn’t sure about what all was sticking on them. I stood there right at the gate and as usual began to ponder.
As the train switched lanes, shifting between the tracks that could’ve been IT and the ones who were a part of the path forward. As the buildings, the paddy fields, children playing in the rain kept fading away into a distant canopy, it struck me that in that mad rush of people around (some fully drenched in the rain, some dry as a dead dingo’s donger, some staring at you and some who start looking somewhere else when you start looking at them)-I was alone. Alone as the last Dinosaur or the last dodo would’ve felt. The sinking feeling with which your heart stops pounding for a brief instant and u feel as if there is a hole in your heart and the whole world around u would just squeeze down through that very hole and you’ll be left alone.
I suddenly asked myself the question I am yet to get an answer for-“WHAT DO I WANT TO DO??
Shall I do an MBA coz all my friends are doing it? Shall I be an IAS coz my dad wants me to be one? But will I be happy and content with it? I can still bet my balls on the fact that I won’t be content even after I get an MBA/PhD/ABC/XYZ or be an IAS. Because it’s just not meant to be that way. I would still have a boss who’ll give me shit each day. I would still have subordinates who’ll not be competent enough. I would still have a wife who’ll crib about any trivial thing. I would still have a kid who won’t listen to me. (Ya you can add your reasons to the list). And thus would continue the pursuit of happYness.
A small drop of rain that fell on my face halted my INTROSPECTION EXPRESS. As I felt the chill from the breeze that kissed past the droplet on my face, I saw the world in a different light. I saw the raindrops travel hundreds of kilometers down for that one moment of joy at hitting the sand. I saw trees putting their foot down against the strong winds. I saw the little kids trying to swim in water shallow for even dropping a cake of maggi noodles in it. In those 2 mins I saw myself as a happy self, happy in the pursuit of being.
It was the life in those small droplets trickling down from the sides of the train that made me feel good. It was the life in the joy of passing a smile to a stark stranger, in taking an unplanned trip 2 somewhere, in the joy at giving a little beggar a chocolate instead of shooing him away, in the joy that you’d get if u touched the feet of an unknown elderly who reminded you of your grandparent, in the joy of spotting a RUFF n TUFF bag or a pair of TUFF’S shoes that would transport u back into your childhood days, in the joy at noticing that the fingers of the person standing next to you are quite similar to someone you loved a lot(ya a JOE’s hand twin!!!) or the joy at realizing suddenly that you are holding the umbrella the way your dadaji used to that made you happy.
It was my moment of enlightenment. But I didn’t see any blinding light, no God belonging to any religion came in my dreams, none bothered to whisper any magic words in my ear. But I could see things in a better light now and it made me feel good about my existence. And I was happy, happy for the things that I had, happy for stuff that didn’t find me worthy enough of having them. I guess its stuff like this that gives you that push to carry on and give you the zest to keep running. So when you feel like life’s accelerating you forward the way you wanted it to do, coool, seize the day; but when you feel life’s a bitch, just try to recall such little events in your mind, such little drops of life and plod on Honey.

P.S- I did manage to meet my Tayaji. Had breakfast with him. My manager picked me up from a nearby spot and dropped me at the office. Though, on the way she once said I don’t know what I should do to be happy. I looked at her, and with a mysterious smile on my face said-“you don’t have to do anything”

Aye Kaash...

Aye kaash ki mere lafz bhi mere ashkon ki tarah meri in aankhon se bahe hote,ki kisi ke tassavvur mein to aate vo, kuch zayaka to pataa chalta.

THE ELUSIVE LAST PIECE OF THE JIGSAW

It’s simply so astounding, the ferocity with which life jolts you back just when u think that you’re in the fifth gear. Life is so cruel in the fact that when you’re at the murkiest segment in your life you can see nobody around, when you are so badly entangled in the tentacles of life, you have no straw to hold on to. At that moment even the feeling that was making you feel so happy just a minute ago suddenly breaks your back. Just when it feels like everything is going according to your plan, you’re completing your TO DO list, things are falling into place like a jigsaw puzzle and suddenly you discover that one piece is of the jigsaw is missing. Now I don’t know why but this thought enters the other pieces of the jigsaw, that this is the opportunity to take control, to seize the moment, to get on top of the one trying 2 put things together, to break its neck, crush its limbs, disembowel it completely.
Now the pieces have a mind of their own, they start running in different directions and one is trying one’s ass out to catch hold of them, try n persuade them 2 b at the very spot that they belong to, till one goes out to find out the missing piece. But no, by the time one returns empty handed without the last piece, trying 2 console oneself at one’s defeat, trying to fake it to the world outside that HE’Z ALL RIGHT, one realizes that one’s got to start all over again.
Ever wondered what that elusive last piece of the jigsaw is? Its love, always love. Love, that’s like a tombstone that quietly says RIP, love, that’s like that perfect match for the deep void inside you through which life keeps seeping out through, ever so slowly in proportion but ever so rapidly in emotion. Love has this great virtue of manifesting itself into different forms, but essentially it does the same effect-soothe your nerves, make you feel like the happiest man on earth.
So what’s good for a person? To always be in this wild goose chase, this never ending quest to find out that elusive piece, so that one could keep getting that push to excel oneself every time or to find it once and for all and feel like quenching one’s thirst, satiating one’s hunger. Honestly I don’t know the answer n probably never would, but guess some people know, and when you know an essence that’s so profound, you’ll probably find it impossible to get it through the minds of creepy, crawling people like me, always trying 2 justify their actions, never intending to accept their mistakes.When I think about defining that last piece of the jigsaw, this is what comes to my mind. Imagine there is a room filled with different pieces of the jigsaw and there is a miniscule hole inside the room through which air is leaking out, and you’re feeling that heyyyy there is still a lot of it left, I would make it through very comfortably and just as you turn back, BANGGGG, it’s all gone, as if a vortex appeared out of nowhere and sucked the life out of it. Now you’re gasping for breath, waving your hands in all directions, trying to resist that crawling sensation in your skin, trying to counter that numbness in your heart, trying to nullify the blueness of your skin, trying to ease the pressure in your eyes. The room which was so choked up with the pieces a minute ago now holds just you and your soul now which are craving to discover their individual identities. And suddenly, out of nowhere comes a breath of fresh air, that elusive last piece of the jigsaw that pumps the life back into you, rejuvenates your senses. This breath of air is nothing but LOVE-The elusive last piece of the jigsaw that never holds on to you forever,so that you keep rediscovering yourself.